It’s been (5 weeks since you looked at me) a wild ride since Babbling On readers were last gifted with a newsletter. The Oscars happened, and there’s still no Honorary Award for Matilda (1996). Summer has arrived, at least in Brooklyn, and with it, fashion’s hottest trend of the season: peekaboo thongs. Please enjoy me ass below:
Horniness, Hit Her, Like a Train on a Tra-aaa-aaaack
Horny? That’s no sin, babe. That’s the human condition. Some Babbling On readers may remember my boyfriend has been travelling abroad since December (yes, making a film in France—hate is a disease, get jealous soon, bitch!) I’ve had to find ways to placate my loins in these troubled times, and as such I have a few recommendations for those who’d like a little Academia alongside their softcore pornography.
Song of Achilles—truly one of the greatest, most heartbreaking and boner-inducing books I’ve ever read. I always want to hear literary sex scenes described with more explicit filth, but Margaret Miller’s gorgeous novel, the story of the Greek heroes Patroclus and Achilles, is one of the most beautifully crafted tales I’ve ever gobbled up. Also read her book Circe—while not as gay, it’s still an epic and an all-time favorite book I’ve ever sunk my claws into.
I started watching Elite on Netflix. Better late than never, I say. Very hot Spanish youth. They show nipple and butt, and when I was dreaming about it the other night they showed c*ck as well.
Red, White & Royal Blue—ACAB and fuck America but this is a steamy, romantic semi-erotic forbidden gay love story that’s a quick beach read with some nice modern references, in an alternate history between the son of the first female president and a fictional Prince of England.
I randomly just started watching Top Chef this season—Shota supremacy!
You’ve Got (Tyra) Mail
WTF… I watched You’ve Got Mail (1998) for the first time last week—yeah, I’m an ignorant skank sometimes. The movie was brilliant: I’m a sucker for anything that the phrase “New York is the fifth character” can be applied to. Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, and brick townhouses are all at their best, BUT there was one crucial flaw: the ending???? SPOILER BELOW—
They end up together even though Tom puts Meg out of business? Did I miss something? The whole movie was about her trying to save her little bookshop and she ultimately just… doesn’t? I mean, there’s some brutal reality happening there, but in a movie where a blogger and a retail worker can afford a brownstone that would leave most AD videos twitching in a ditch, I think the vibe was more escapism, no?
ANYWAY, Nora Ephron is a genius and the adapted screenplay for The Parent Trap (1998) deserved an Oscar nom almost as much as LiLo deserved to win Lead Actress for her role as Hallie and take a nom in Supporting for her role as Annie (the British one).
One Gaytion, Under Almodóvar
So I was hungover scrolling through HBO Max in last night’s thong when I happened to notice a bunch of new Pedro Almodóvar flicks have just been added to the second-chicest of streaming services (Do I even have to say it? Number one chicest is Criterion, harlots).
As usual, I’m late to discovering and recognizing the artistic genius of anyone who didn’t put out a pop album between 2008 and 2012, but over quarantine I famously watched a lot of movies and now consider myself a cinema whore. Almodóvar is maybe my favorite director of all time at this point? Let me walk you through the titles I’ve digested so far:
All About My Mother (1999)
If you’re a completionist of my social media presence (I pity you), you’ll be aware that All About My Mother is in my Letterboxd favorite four films of all time. This movie absolutely blew my pot-riddled mind. It takes several immediate unexpected turns at the outset and keeps you on the edge of your seat until you’re gobsmacked on the floor reeling from one of the funniest, saddest, trans-est stories about motherhood, gender, grief, and sex ever made. Five out of five stars, a true masterpiece.
Penélope Cruz can do no wrong, and any film she’s in (let alone one that earned her a Lead Actress Oscar nomination) becomes required viewing in my books (though, to my own humiliation, I have yet to see Nine). Volver delivers a thrilling story complete with an extended musical number that will crack your spine in half. I could give it five stars, but out of the interest of ranking I’ll give it 4.9/5.
The Skin I Live In (2011)
Scary! And absolutely breathtaking. Antonio Banderas is a true legend and sexual king, as well as boasting one of the all-time most coveted descriptors of the modern era: part of the Spy Kids cinematic universe.
Pain and Glory (2019)
Truly one of the greatest movie endings I have ever seen. Cinematography, male objectification, and screenplay all need Oscar noms in addition to Antonio’s for Lead and Spain’s for Best International Feature.
Knives Out 2 Dream Cast?
Daniel Craig (I’m but a hole needing to be eaten, sir!) is reprising his role as Southern detective Benoit Blanc in a Knives Out sequel, according to some Tweet I saw. Same chirp said they were starting production in Greece in one month, rest of cast TBA. Here’s my dream methinks? Feel free to reply with yours, I’m genuinely very curious!
Group of college girlfriends reconvening decades later in a month-long Air BnB on a Greek island:
An unknown 60-something trans actress
Group of Gays vacationing in the cliffside villa next door:
James Corden (hahahahaha kidding)
Lil Nas X
Omar and Ander from Elite
The island pool and private bar staff:
The other detectives:
Sarah Jessica Parker
Haha no umm Jennifer Coolidge (you do see her alive in a bunch of flashbacks)
HBO’s latest Kate Winslet and former UCB 301 classmate vehicle Mare of Easttown is looking Camp in the eye.
Lil Nas X as Anya Taylor-joy’s musical guest is the greatest SNL pairing I’ve heard in eons. Please let them play porn stars in a sketch together!
New York City is back and summer is in full swing—treat yourself to Kesha’s Animal/ Cannibal double album today.
Ok, Nationwide is probably terrible because it’s a large company but the Jill Scott partnership song is kind of a serve.